Wednesday, August 24, 2005


First off, I bet you all would like to know how I am doing with my smoking cessation program. I'm doing quite well, thank you. I've cheated a little, here and there while I was gone, but for the most part I've been pretty good.

I'm sure a lot of people have a hard time around others smoking when they are quitting. I don't mind it so much. Sure, when I see someone light up right in front of me, I have the urge to do it, too, but I don't get all upset or resentful about it as I'm sure some people do. So when my man told me that he would try not to smoke around me, I said I really didn't mind. But when he pulled up, puffing away, and wanted a big kiss, well I could see there might be a problem.

We've always quit together before, and in fact, this whole thing started with HIM wanting to quit, and harrassing me about quitting. So just with that there's a teeny bit of resentment I'm feeling for dogging me into this and then proceeding to puff with abandon, unlike the past few months in which he has been making large efforts to cut down. And then there's the taste. When I kiss him, try as I might, I can't shake my mind off the stale smoke I am tasting and smelling. This kindof makes it difficult to relax and enjoy the kiss, BTW. I'm sure it's no picnic for non-smokers, but for a quitter like me it makes me want to smoke some so I won't have to taste it in this awful way. So I did here and there, and it wasn't the best for my quitting state of mind, but it wasn't the total disaster that it can be.

I'm really surprised at how easy the patch has made things for me. Relatively easy, I mean, compared to the emotional fits I've had when I've quit cold turkey in the past. Having the urge to light up is not accompanied by anger and frustration and wildly careening emotion. It's instead followed by the reminder that I have this patch on. If the urge stays with me, I'll break out a piece of gum. I might do this 1-3 times a day. I try to keep it down, though. I want to, as much as possible, try to break the habit of needing nicotine when something upsets me or pisses me off.

oh, it's time to go now. I'll fill you all in on the books I got to read last week and other sundries at a later time.


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