Thursday, July 13, 2006

Tread Softly

Remember when I talked about going on Match and telling you, my dear readers, all those sordid stories about the crazy dates I go on? Yeah, well, it looks like that might not be happening anytime soon. I guess I've gone and scewed up that plan by starting to see someone. My apologies if you were really looking forward to it, but I didn't exactly see a clamoring cheer section when I asked for input a few weeks ago.

Anyway, you know how it is when you first start dating someone. It's exciting, and you can't get said lucky-boy off your mind, and it's easy to get carried away with that, except when you're old like me and seen too many new loves to believe it. You start imagining what kind of future you might have with said lucky-boy; you don't want to get too far ahead of yourself, but when you're old like me you can't just live in the moment... there is no time to waste on a relationship with no future. And so you walk a fine line, dizzy and distracted and grinning wildly as you go, hoping for the best, but banking on the worst, and all the while trying to remember to enjoy the moment.

Said lucky-boy and I were attracted to each other when we first met six years ago, but we were both in relationships at the time. Plus there is a pretty large age gap, which I'm assuming would have been a much bigger deal back then... at least I know what I tell my 35-year-old guy friends when they start talking about 25-year-old girls: stay away - she's too young - she doesn't know what she wants - she'll break your heart. (Do they listen? No. But at least I try.) Interesting that we should meet up again, both single, now that I'm OLD (at this point you must know I'm fishing for you people to tell me that I'm still quite young... please?)

Said lucky-boy lives in NH. I know, I know. If things were to work out with him, I would not want to be a fly trapped in the room where my ex finds out I'm moving back to town and WHY. I hear he's doing pretty well on his quest to get over me lately, but still I would feel terrible. Good thing I shouldn't get ahead of myself. But yeah, I would definitely go up there. Not only does said lucky-boy have a business there that he established oh, right about the time I entered high school, but re-establishing my business there would be a snap. Also, I don't think I've ever mentioned this here before, but even though I now live in the town where I grew up, seacoast NH feels much more like home. Every time I go up there I feel so sad that I don't live there anymore. So really, I shouldn't feel bad if I ever move back there for another boy, especially when you consider that the boy I moved away from doesn't consider it home, at least not deep down in his heart.

Said lucky-boy doesn't know about my blogging habits. Not that I'm ashamed, mind you. Still it's nice to keep something like this on the DL for now... what if I want to write about him? I mean look, I'm writing about him right now and I don't have to worry about him reading and what he might think because he would never know to look for it. What if it doesn't last and there's a messy story to tell at the end? WHAT IF HE THINKS I'M A NERD? Yeah, we'll just keep this our little secret for now, shall we?


Blogger Mike said...

Ok. No you're not old. But you are older than me - I think. So live it up.
As for this long distance thing... It's really hard. So make sure this guy is worth the time and commitment. You just got together as a couple and to ponder moving back to NH this early to be with him seems a bit rash. But believe me, I understand what it's like to live so far away from the person you're seeing. So if you ever want to chat about it, give me a call.
And Becky, YOU ARE A NERD. But that's why I like you.


11:49 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

The tone of the post is intended to be speculative, Mike. I wouldn't worry about me getting ahead of myself; just signed a six-month lease extension on my apartment last night.

8:41 AM  
Blogger Lynsey said...

Jeez, just how old are you Bec?

Just kidding. He sounds great. Just be happy and enjoy the moment. You deserve to.

4:44 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

It was kind of late when I read your post and commented on it. So I probably read a little too deeply into it. Besides, I don't want you running off to NH. I'd miss you.

10:29 PM  
Blogger Peter N said...

I don't dare to comment, except to wish you happiness. And old? My way. Not in this world. Cue into the da da da da, da da da da of the Twilight Zone....and still that's a maybe. Take care R.

12:42 PM  
Blogger John said...

No Reb, you're far from old. I'm far from old, so you don't stand a chance.

5:59 PM  

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