Monday, July 24, 2006

A Different Kind of Feeling

Nine days ago I headed off to Boston for a bachelorette party, merely a (psychotically fun) stopping ground on the way to New Hampshire. I needed several days to work on a project there, and of course it didn't hurt to spend some time with the new boy of interest. I was a bit concerned during my travels that I was not excited enough about this prospect. I thought surely that was a bad sign, that said lucky boy might be fading into the past quite soon.

I was wrong.

Over the course of several evenings spent with the new guy I was able to confirm something I had noticed from the start: this one was different. I feel different with this guy. Yes, I realize I just used the same vague adjective twice in a row there, but I'm at a bit of a loss for words here. I've never felt anything quite like this before.

Some believe love happens when you meet the right person; others say the right person is the first one who comes along when you're ready. I guess there's a bit of truth to both. I feel like I've met the right person at the right time. I know the timing is significant because of the emotional growth we've both experienced in recent years- so maybe if it weren't the right timing it wouldn't feel this way, but if I felt this way but wasn't "ready" I sure as hell would GET ready pretty damn quick. (yes, bad grammer. intentional.)

What is "ready", anyway? I'm not sure how to define this emotional status, but we all know it when we're there and recognize it in those who are close to us. I have a good friend half-way across the country who knew this was coming. I could see it in the things he chose to talk to me about in recent months, and I could feel the anticipation in his voice when I called him last week. One thing this friend had told me has been lingering in the back of my mind for several months: he said when I meet the right person the physical stuff would take on a completely different context - less erotic and a lot more intimate. Well, this not being a porn site, I wouldn't want to heat you up with the details, suffice to say that he was right. To illustrate I will tell you that in the past, lingerie has always made me feel naughty and a bit contrived, and I've never been wholly confortable with it. With him it feels so natural. It's flirty and sensual and makes me feel beautiful rather than self-conscious... and there I will cut myself off. I think that's quite enough information, don't you?

The most amazing thing to me about this relationship is the ease of communication. I never wonder how to say something to this man; I never worry about how he will react. No moment is awkward between us, and believe me there have been opportunities. I don't know if my friends and family will wonder what I see in this man, and frankly I don't care. It is not just what I see in him, but what I see in myself when I'm with him that makes me a better person. People have always told me that when you meet the right person, you'll just know. I'm pretty cautious about big decisions, almost to a fault. Commitment scares the hell out of me until I really make up my mind, and I generally I just don't until I'm really sure about something- and would certainly not write about it like this! I don't care if you people think I'm jumping the gun; I could marry this man tomorrow and never look back.


Blogger Barb said...

Oh you should totally marry him and have like a bajillion of his babies!

3:25 PM  
Blogger JessieE said...


More info!

And WOO HOO! BTW, I knew on our first date thatI was going to marry Bob.

8:40 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

which just goes to show you all that even a bed of roses can be hard work, but anything worth having usually is...

it's hard to say, though, isn't it Jessie? Because you know everyone's thinking "yeah, yeah, right. you always think that in the beginning." but this feels different... well it always feels different in some way. i've just never been so comfortable with it, so secure about it, so sure that he feels the same way. it's weird. and just makes it that much more obvious that I was always walking on eggshells with my ex.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Peter N said...

Sounds like I'm reading the thoughts of a HAPPY person. And that's just so nice!

10:10 AM  
Blogger Lynsey said...

Brings me back to when I first met Matt....that first feeling of "oh my God, so this is what everyone is talking about!" It's awesome and when it happens, you MUST enjoy it. It doesn't come along very often!!!

4:16 PM  

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